Eff Up

I'm not even going to sugar-coat this one:

I went to "meet" Santa today at Toys R Us. It was a very successful trip despite the near-to-tears cell-phone conversation I had with my mother while trying to decide which computer game was going to catapult Eva into a degree of learning ability that will guarantee her a Pulitzer prize by the age of 30. I finished out the trip with only two other incidents which had me gridlocked in the Barbie Princess aisle for more minutes than necessary.

After the nonsense and the continuing ability to maintain the steady stream of tinsel shooting out of my butt and a holly jolly smile on my face for the entire time I stood in line with all the penny whores clutching walmart sale papers to compare whose price was better, I headed over to Chick-fil-A for my new crack: a char grilled chicken salad. I made it through the traffic with more than a few middle fingers pointed in my direction only to discover that I had left my purse. In the shopping cart. At Toys-R-Us. Full of cash.

Thank you to the two sweet old ladies who found it and took it to the manager.

I'm ashamed to admit that I was CONVINCED there wasn't an ounce of morality left in anyone else on the planet and was resolved that my purse, my money, 13 barbie shoes, a bracelet made by a homeless child, several puffs with lotion tissues, the last tube of my discontinued Clinique lip gloss and my adored Coconut Lime Verbena hand sanitizer was on it's way to a fate I can't stomach.

Bless their little old hearts. I almost made out with them.