Dear Ms. Levine,
We not-so-regretfully wish to inform you that your nomination for Mother of the Year is revoked based on the following facts:
Bedtime Lullaby Incident:
"Mama, please sing the piggy song"
"Biggie Biggie Biggie can't you see. Sometimes your words just hypnotize me...."
Yeah Yeah. No more songs by dead gangsta rappers. Got it.
Snack Time - Child Given Grapes
"MMMM! These taste like fruit!"
Yeah. Yeah. Buy fruit so she can at least identify it. Got it.
Cultural Diversity - Lack Of
"Mama, why are there more vanilla people than chocolate people?"
Yeah. Yeah. Undo stigma and introduce more culturally diverse learning opportunities. Like, leave Evans every once in a while. Got it.
Unnecessary Paranoia's and Phobias
"Mama, if you see a spider out here you should leave the door open so you can RUN BACK IN real fast so it won't bite your leg off."
Yeah. Yeah. Stop exaggerating and inflicting my own ridiculous fears. Projecting faults. Bad. Got it.
Sincerely,
The People At The Grocery Store Who Stare At Temper Tantrums Like Children Are Alien To Us
p.s. Please schedule your grocery shopping during the 15 seconds you have between daycare and work each morning so we don't have to listen to the screams erupt from your child AGAIN about why she can't have the candy/balloons/toys we have strategically placed at her eye level so she will try to wear your ass out about them the whole time you are in the store until you are actually uncorking wine at the checkout. Shopping is a pleasure here, remember?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
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ok you know I love you and Beans like butter and maybe, just maybe thats the reason I want to give you the parent of the century award. AT the age of three what child speaks clearly enough for you to understand they mean piggy and not biggy? My kid says pink people and brown people at least they know the difference. Hell I totally agree with the spider thing I run fron ants. nd last but not least who gives a damn that your child throws a tantrum in the store its their was of saying "Hurry the hell up I am ready to go, I got cartoons to watch"
ReplyDeletelovin life like butter, Jasmin
uncorking wine at the checkout. lucky. in kansas we can't get wine at the grocery store. i just grab a big bag of M&Ms when we walk in and we all have Chocolate Sanity the entire grocery trip.
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