To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Tube In Eva's Right Ear,

Why are you crooked? Not in the "you are so crooked, I can't trust you in my house" kind of way either. Why are you in my daughter's ear SLANTED??? Slanted so that the snot/mucus/whatever drains out of an ear build-up cannot find a clear exit-path. Slanted so that her ear drum is about to BUST WIDE ASS OPEN.

I'm sure you've heard the blood-curdling screams erupting from her at say 11:00 pm, 1:00 am, 2:15 am, 2:47 am, 3:09 am, 3:18 am, etc. Do you get the effing picture? She's not happy with you! Frankly, neither am I.

I'm reading vampire books. I don't need ANOTHER reason to lie awake at night.

And another thing... it ain't no piece of cake putting those drops in her ear. Just in case you were about to get an attitude about being drowned twice a day. Pissing off your three-year-old is a helluva way to start and end your day FOR SEVEN DAYS IN A ROW.

Little mini-thanks to Dr. whoshallremainnamelessincasehiswifereadsmyblog for being so sweet when she tried to kick him in the you know what during the exam. Hey, Doc, next time we'll sit on the exam table so you won't have to sit on the stool. Kinda puts you in a pickle, huh?

We (Eva and I) would be much obliged if you would straighten the F up so we can get some much needed sleep.

Thankyouverymuch.